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Alex Constantine - March 1, 2023

By Alex Constantine

Marjorie Taylor Greene may strike some as a clueless, attention-grabbing redneck, but I think she has an IQ. Place her latest proposal in a "peachy" dish, examine it under a microscope, and a germ of merit reveals itself.

She wants a "divorce."

Under the MTG initiative, red states would secede from the union because those other states are too liberal, unbearably woke, not slept.

Conservative states have tried divorce in the past. Blood and gore ensued. For some reason it was called a "civil war." Who wants to go through that again?

So I'm going to don the mantle of marriage counselor and suggest that red states hold their noses and coexist with blue bastard lib states. They shouldn't secede. But the Republican Party should. Conservatives can be rid of woke libs, drag queens, ethnic minorities and invasive immigrants. States dominated by the GOP are not entirely red anyways. Each is contaminated by a minority of insufferable wokes. This won't do. Coexistence is mental cruelty. Have a little empathy.

The only workable solution is a compromise. To avoid another "civil" bloodbath, the Republican Party should be granted the divorce it craves.

MAGA Nation's sovereignty would entail a withdrawal from the existing branches of government. Republicans would then be free to write their own constitution, fly a MAGA flag, provide their own national defense, educations, emergency management, tax collection, law enforcement, judicial system, postal service, and so on. Anti-wokes would each be charged a substantial fee to live within US boundaries (citizens of MAGA Nation will be using the infrastructure, so an annual fee is necessary. This cost is offset, however, by the elimination of Social Security, Medicare, welfare, and other "socialist" entitlement taxes).

Rep. Greene is clearly not the simple-minded scold she seems to be. Divorce is a perfectly reasonable suggestion. Under my plan, slept Republicans would be free to vote for any criminal they choose, tweet lies about each other, steal elections, slander right-wing political opponents, assault their own police, leave fecal deposits in legislative office buildings, send love letters to foreign dictators, open fire on their own churches, burn books, distort history by lying to their own children about slavery. Everybody wins.

A partisan divorce would give rise to a divided but peaceful Utopian States of America. Note that the country keeps the acronym. But Democrats need to file the separation papers because you can't fix slept ultra-conservatism, but you CAN divorce it.

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